Caliente Caden

Pondering my frailty

A coworker of mine died last week. She was younger than me (just barely 28) and it really had an impact on me because of the way she died. She had a heart attack….. @ 28.
I went to her funeral. I didn’t know her that well, we talked infrequently in passing. I confess, I didn’t really go to grieve for her, I went……. for me. It was my way of embracing the frailty of life. It was a stagnant reminder that I have no guarantees in life, that I am not invincible (even though I break my toe with an axe with a smile, need I remind you again).

I find obituaries to be odd and imcomplete. Maybe I don’t understand the purpose of them, but seldom are you really left with any real glimpse of who that person was. There usually filled with family member’s nicknames in parentheses, and death timeline of the respective family, blah, blah, blah.
I want mine to have substance, to paint a picture of how I am (flaws and all).

Emotional Side

Little Budha
Singing in the Shower

Devilishly Clever (Hitchcock pose)

just cute

Southern Belle

an apple a day....

In an attempt to prove that he is just as important as the baby, Gandy takes a gander at one of Caden's "developmental" toys.

Pretty impressive

O.C.P.

Syllabus Blues

I am working on my MBA right now, and just signed up for my spring classes. Going back to school has been very different in a lot of ways then my undergrad years (I sit in the front row and ask questions to name a few), but the same in that I still get a little sick in the stomach when I am looking over the syllabus for the first time. That moment, when you are sizing up the work load, and have the “advantage” of being able to dread the project that isn’t due for another 3 months (that will suck days of your life away and will have no real value to you the moment after you turn it in).
I’m used to living life day-by-day. I think I would prefer it if the professor just gave me a new syllabus every week, just for that week. “Keep me in the dark about what’s coming, I deal with it when I get there” is my motto.
By the way, don’t bother calling in late March through April, I will be holed up in a corner mumbling about accounting and international business.

They don't make them like they used to

Thank God!

I found my old lunch box (Lone Ranger, baby) from elementary school and proudly sported it @ work. It was great, except that it still has some unknown sticky residue, it leaked, the latch doesn't stay shut, and it doesn't keep anything cool. But it looked awesome.

Paper or Plastic?

I gave blood and as a thank you I got a "bag?" that I can't quite figure out how to work (it doesn't really close, it doesn't really open) except that Caden fits in it pretty swell (thats right, I'm not afraid to throw the word swell around).

A real stand up guy

Caden is figuring out what his legs are for. And also realizing how big his "cankles" are.

Resolutions

First, I must congratulate myself for completing my one and only resolution last year: to get a physical. I didn’t get it done till late October, but nevertheless, it is fulfilled. It had been over a decade since I had been to the doctor (minus the whole breaking my toe with an axe incident last summer) and with my family’s history of diabetes, cancer and heart problems, I was sure that I had some physical ailment. Having a baby made me realize that I wanted to be around for awhile, if only so that I could teach him how to drive (leaving that to Janelle would be disastrous).
This year, now that I am on a roll, I once again have a few goals for myself:

• To read more. I was once an avid reader but slowed down once I started working on my masters. Na, Na, not this year.
• To participate in Lent. I am not catholic, however I feel like this is a great discipline to make apart of my life. Haven’t decided what I am going to give up yet, and TV is out solely because I can’t give up March Madness. Any ideas?
• To play more. Find some sort of league (volleyball, softball, basketball) to help me unwind.
• To pray more. Sadly, probably the hardest one on here for me. It requires the most will power and is something that is boils down to sheer determination.
• Not to use all my vacation time before June. I used a half-day on January 2nd, which was the first business day of the year if that gives you a clue.
• To be more romantic. This one doesn’t come naturally, but she deserves it.
  Worry less…..take a breath…..and remember that I will be okay
• To invest more in people. Invite friends over more and make more phone calls.
• Do something that scares the h*** out of me.

UNITED 93

Just rented the movie United 93, and it is just as heart breaking as you expect it to be. There is a section of the movie when all the passengers are calling home and saying good-bye, and I haven’t wanted to cry that hard since… well…. my wedding. Highly recommend. It is an emotional movie but also a stark reminder of a day that changed the world, and without these reminders it becomes way too easy to become numb of that initial feeling of horror, fear, wonderment, and anger.

A matter of expression

Back in college, I got a tattoo. A Hebrew word on my chest, over my heart, that means “the state of being rescued” (aka saved). It doesn’t deserve a lot of credit because the very word “tattoo” is bigger than my little mark that is so small, it just looks like a weird grouping of discolored freckles (that I can cover with my pinky). For me it was a personal expression about who I am (even though most people don’t see it or know about it). Matt (best friend and roommate at the time) got his initials, I guess so he wouldn’t forget them. Good thing his name isn’t Adam Silas Smith.
As my Christmas gift this year, I have been saving up my money to get another tattoo. I have been thinking about getting one on my right inner wrist. Here is a pic of the current frontrunner.


There are multiple layers of meaning in this symbol for me. First, I’m apparently Irish (I have doubts, but my father and grandmother assure me of it). Second the shamrock is a traditional Irish symbol for the Trinity which again harkens back to my faith. In the shamrock leaves are another trinity sign. Third, and perhaps more personal, Janelle and I lost our first baby on St. Patrick’s Day, so in some part it is a quiet tribute to her (Layla Madison). Comments welcome on what you think about tattoo by the way, but you are a heartless jerk if you don’t like it after that explanation.
I can’t quite articulate why I want another tattoo. Life leaves it marks on us in many ways, perhaps tattoos offer a creative way to capsulate those events in a way that we can control.
Then I got to thinking that maybe the most personal expression I can make is my parenting. Afterall, how I raise my kids is directly reflective on what values I think are important, what priorities I (we) choose to uphold, and how I believe other people should be treated. And it is something I do, directly or indirectly, every single day. Parenting is a magnifying glass on my hypocrisy, morals, and integrity. And frankly, it scares me to death.
So what kind of expression are you going to make?

“Chrandy”

My brother Chris and Mandy (his wife who obviously got the short end of the deal in this marriage) were in town post Christmas. Mandy taught Caden how to give fives, although not high fives, which are not allowed in my house because of their implicit dork-iness factor. Chris and I broke-even on our competitive exploits, and Caden seemed to be confused about which one of us was Daddy when we were in the same room. Hurry back “Chrandy” to NC as much as possible. We miss you guys.

Can't you tell I've been working out?

A Hanz and Franz skit at church for a service we have dubbed Family Night. The most creative team I have ever worked with that puts together an hour of skits, songs, dramas, and a Bible lesson every month for the whole family (kids and parents) to enjoy. Great concept, great people, great rewards.